Daddy, You’re a Blessing!

Fathers don’t really understand the blessing they are. When I became a Father I was 23 years old and scared. I had no idea of what I was about to experience and no training that prepared me for it. Yet, I had some of the best examples of a Dad a boy could have. On my street growing up we were full of Fathers and this was normal. I sit back often, thinking that what I was looking at then was no longer the norm today and no longer going to exist on that level if we don’t do something to change it.

I had no idea that we were in the middle of a system that was intent on attacking the foundation of the family. This system literally wanted to remove the Father! That’s why I was so surprised when I became one! I remember when my aunt found out I was having a baby and asking me what I was going to name my child. And with my chest poked out, I said his name and then I said how incredible he was going to be. Once he was born, I was still kind of selfish in my ways. It was a lot I didn’t know I would have to change when I became a Dad. It did help me as I got older to better understand my Dad.

My Dad, a gospel pioneer, because of divorce and irreconcilable differences between my Mom and Dad, was forced to eventually leave his family and continued to pursue his dream in music and song writing. My parents, being one of the first 200,000 divorces from the policy signed by Ronald Reagan, then Governor of California. Eventually followed by the other states, he created a system of continued destruction of the family. This bill was just the beginning of the hating and tearing away of families where Fathers were barely hanging on. Jobs scarcity and criminalizing the Black Father was easy to sell to the bullies of America.

Today in America, the single household rate is the highest in the world amongst all nations. What was meant for harm and to create new profit sources for the few, the entire county suffers. However, in Fatherhood there was continuous suffering. In fact, by 1980 Fatherhood was a very low priority for many. Well for me, I became a father in 1989. This life changing event would be the beginning. I just didn’t want to feel anymore hurt and confusion about my low value of my role after becoming a Father and experiencing divorce. After our divorce, the court garnished my entire paycheck. My ex (my son’s mother) and I walked into court with me and both demanded it be restored and we be removed from the child support system. A judge would tell us how we could get out of the system. The response was “Just Ask”. I looked around shocked but then we were escorted to the referee who refunded my pay and suddenly we were out of the system.

From that day forward, I would begin to tell men at my job as well as friends that we could get out of the system and still take care of our kids. Most of us did not need the child support system to tell us how to financially take care of our kids. I learned that not every mother of our children is cooperative. I begin to look deeper for the reasons why. Along the way, I was learning a lot and even would only friend men who I though were “good” Fathers to learn from. Over time, we formed alliances and cared for each other’s families. I too learned from them as I hope they learned from me, the Fathers are an important part of the lives of our children even though no one really tells that publically. In 2012, the same system said that the Black Father was the most involved Father in the nation (recognized by www.cdc.gov)! Fathers, especially the Black Father, at last would earn some recognition from the system that derailed so many families. In our alliances we organized Fatherhood celebration walks for 11 years in Labor Day Parade. We also took on so many different issues from prostate cancer and juvenile diabetes and that still wasn’t enough for me to feel good about Fatherhood.

It wasn’t until 2014 that my life of Fatherhood changed to a life of advocacy. I was invited to the very first Men’s Issue Conference in Detroit by Paul Elam, then head of an organization “A Voice for Men.” Key note speaker, Dr. Warren Ferrell, the author of many books but his latest “Boy Crisis” (which I recommend anyone working with boys to read) gave many statistics about boys, men and Fathers. The conference shared with many Fathers from around the world their issues from America to India, Germany, Canada and many other countries. Fatherhood took on a whole new meaning to me, so I dug deeper and found amazing facts about value Fathers bring to the family, the economy and most of all the development of our children.

Today, I share with you that Fatherhood is the solution! Fatherhood absence is a problem. Fatherhood is essential to all children. It is the missing ingredient in schools, in the homes, on and on the job. In a system that has a completely different economy for Fathers, I say to all of you Fathers out there feeling like no one cares or that you do not matter, you are so wrong! You are the heroes! The answers to many of our social problems is you. You make up sports figures, judges, doctors, lawyers, skill tradesmen, and so much more. Your children, who you spend time with, you are a Blessing Daddy. Time is your gift and their medicine. I love you all keep raising the bar for future generations.

Calvin T. Mann

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About the Author

Calvin Mann Calvin T. Mann, National Encourager is gifted as a facilitator, speaker, talk show host (EMIYTV podcast), mentor, vocalist, producer, visionary, coach, author, community activist and proud father of 5. He continues to build boys and men in ways that change their trajectory daily. He has coordinated recreation, organized sports and mentorship programs, led intervention strategies in detention centers, communities, families, and schools. Since 2004, a champion for the silenced voices of children slain to suicide and violence; Mann placed t-shirts with positive messages of encouragement at the sight of slain children to raise awareness of our responsibility to our children and their future. Mann’s passion and unique perspective exemplifies diversity, self-belief and love for his fellow man. Often serving on panels, creating intervention opportunities in schools, or speaking directly to students of all ages he offers enlightening words of encouragement while captivating audiences. Sharing practical solutions and perspectives of boys, men, husbands and fatherhood, realizing our human potential, revealing the benefits of mentorship, family connections, and community impact are just a few of topics that have empowered people toward real change. He has earned the respect and admiration of many including the City of Detroit who bestowed its highest honor “The Spirit of Detroit” award along with Wayne County and the State of Michigan both presenting powerful Resolutions naming April 6th “EMIY National Respect Day” to acknowledge the achievement, investment and role of Calvin T. Mann locally and throughout the country. Calvin is a Man[n] on the front line; encouraging boys and supporting fathers; changing families and our community one encouraging word at a time.