Invest In Me!

For 37 years, and I mean since I was 20 years old, I have noticed the lack of investment into males but specifically in boys. Investments that should include time, money, education, confidence, appreciation and even mentoring. While working and investing in so many boys and having success, I couldn’t help but notice the economy for him was different. Here is why I say that.

Let’s start with his home. A boy from a single female-headed household gets less Fathering than any other child. In fact, from the start of life he often experiences lack and trauma immediately. This lack and trauma is sometimes the cause of stress, absence of healthy fatherhood, and/or even the conditions that he is born into. Regardless, for him it’s the beginning of his fading back, silence, anger and limited education. There are also some two parent households that do not escape this fate as well. This information should help enlighten those who defend that the single and two parent households are not all bad. I was also raised by a single female-headed household. I can admit that I came out of it but not without some brokenness and deep wounds. My mom did what she thought was right at the time she did it. Just like most boys of single female-headed households would agree. But as adults, now we have to choose and want to repair ourselves.

When boys reach pre-school age, we send him off to learn. Starting in daycare, where he should get an opportunity to learn and be taught, he is most vulnerable. Well, this is where he begins to fall back educationally and socially. If you are wondering why, the truth is that he is the least taught. He can be disruptive, agitated, and active. Because of this, most of the time he is in the hands of people who are convinced that he is a problem. Socially and behaviorally, he seems to be all the terms used to describe his lack of attentiveness. This response is based on the complaint that boys are unruly. This thought leads to him being the child most kicked out of education starting at daycare and even pre-school. It’s so toxic that it doesn’t matter what educational faculty is leading, there are statistics that show this is true. If he is big for his age, moves around to much, or just plain Black (African American) he is a noted as a real problem. A Harvard study in 2005, confirms that Black children, especially males, were the most removed from educational settings. The situation got better for two years and then it started increasing again, but this time the conditioning affected the girls too. If you are asking why let’s look to the impact of the conditioning and construct of racism for an answer.

Clearly, it’s not only the systemic racism impacting our boys but it’s also parents, in their own brokenness, who fight over the boy. In their warfare, they often prevent him from the benefit of co-parenting and/or both parents raising him. If we stop exposing our boys to ignorance and give them books, love, quality time and important healthy fatherhood models, we could each do our part. With more access for fathers, they may want to engage their kids every day. By seeing his children, we are destroying more than the prison and poverty pipeline! Trust me on this one, even now we are seeing a resurgence of healthy manhood. Here are some important ways we can invest in our Boys; 1) Stop getting high in front of our children. 2) Stop expecting miracles from them to have great grades while they are under tremendous amounts of pressure from us. 3) Stop leaving our boys with video games but raising our daughter in education when we can educate both. 4) Reassess your own thoughts, feelings and expectations about boys. 5) Recognize that we all are part of the conditioning against boys but we can choose to change! These are the spaces where I get on my horn and yell at the top of my lungs to “stop doing boys this way!”

Lets prepare ourselves to change by investing in needed solutions. Here is my first one. 1) Assist your son’s greatest chance at success by creating peace in your home. 2) Teach them from the start how to be disciplined. When we teach kids discipline, especially at early ages they are more likely to stay consistent. 3) Bedtime routines must remain consistent because rest is very important to cognitive behavior. 4) Healthy foods are important to learning so monitor the sugar intake (it’s not good for the brain nor is sodium). Early on, veggies and fruits are important to the brain and heart. 5) Avoiding pop, sugary drinks and hard juices is a must! 6) A child from birth to six years old can learn the most because their brain is growing and absorbing information very rapidly. 7) For success, parents must watch what they are exposed to at home and from the media. 8) This is just for Dads. Play with your kids. If you play with your children, studies show that fatherhood and play is the best stimulation for cognitive development. Also it gets the best results with refocusing and affirming children. 9) Last, but not least, encouragement practices daily with your children, especially boys, works. Why? Because we have subconsciously have been conditioned against our sons. The negative imagery on boys is overwhelming and contributes to pulling back, retreating and our lack of communication. The negative results often include suicide. Instead, make sure fathers have access early and often. Let Dad teach him the things he needs to be successful. Remember, encouragement is the solution for all of us.

Calvin T. Mann, The National Encourager, can be reached for speaking engagements and interviews at [email protected] visit www.emiyworld.com. Stay tuned for the release of two new books coming June 1, on fatherhood!

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About the Author

Calvin Mann Calvin T. Mann, National Encourager is gifted as a facilitator, speaker, talk show host (EMIYTV podcast), mentor, vocalist, producer, visionary, coach, author, community activist and proud father of 5. He continues to build boys and men in ways that change their trajectory daily. He has coordinated recreation, organized sports and mentorship programs, led intervention strategies in detention centers, communities, families, and schools. Since 2004, a champion for the silenced voices of children slain to suicide and violence; Mann placed t-shirts with positive messages of encouragement at the sight of slain children to raise awareness of our responsibility to our children and their future. Mann’s passion and unique perspective exemplifies diversity, self-belief and love for his fellow man. Often serving on panels, creating intervention opportunities in schools, or speaking directly to students of all ages he offers enlightening words of encouragement while captivating audiences. Sharing practical solutions and perspectives of boys, men, husbands and fatherhood, realizing our human potential, revealing the benefits of mentorship, family connections, and community impact are just a few of topics that have empowered people toward real change. He has earned the respect and admiration of many including the City of Detroit who bestowed its highest honor “The Spirit of Detroit” award along with Wayne County and the State of Michigan both presenting powerful Resolutions naming April 6th “EMIY National Respect Day” to acknowledge the achievement, investment and role of Calvin T. Mann locally and throughout the country. Calvin is a Man[n] on the front line; encouraging boys and supporting fathers; changing families and our community one encouraging word at a time.