Parenthood and Autism: Coping as the Single Parent of Two Autistic Children

According to the Autism Society of Iowa website, Autism spectrum disorder better known as ASD is a developmental disability defined by a certain set of behaviors under DSM-V. Because autism ranges in severity among the affected, it is best defined as a “spectrum disorder”. Autism is recognized by a puzzle piece representing the mystery and complexity of the disorder. The spectrum is characterized by the brightly colored puzzle piece ribbon to signify the diversity of the disorder.

Autism affects individuals differently and to varying degrees. From being MILD to SEVERE, no two persons are alike. At this time there is STILL NO known single cause. There is NO blood test to diagnose.

With the wide ranging spectrum of this disability, stories of raising children with autism showcase a unique set of challenges. One such story comes to us from a young lady named Crystal Kearney. Crystal is a single mother with two autistic young boys. She makes it day by day the best way she can and manages to take time to address her mental health as well.

The Hype Magazine got Crystal to weigh in on a few things

For those that don’t know, what is autism?

Autism is a learning disability (autism spectrum disorder) Some children won’t start showing signs until they reach the age of 2 or 3. Some things to look for is not making eye contact, sensory to loud noises, speech delay etc.

How do you handle raising two autistic children as a single mother?

Being a single mother with two sons on the spectrum is not easy at all, especially if you’re doing it on your own, and you really don’t have the support. Now I do you have my mothers help but, I only get breaks from time to time but everything else I do it on my own; it can be stressful but I try to relax when I can..

How severe is their autism?

Both of my sons have mild autism level 2, there are different stages of autism.

Are there any resources that are available to you to help with the difficulties?

Yes, they have ABA therapy (Applied Behavioral Analysis) speech and occupational therapy.

What’s been the most challenging for you thus far in dealing with their condition?

Making sure that they are progressing, with autism and children you have to be patient and understanding with them. Especially when it comes to communication and them having meltdowns, you know if you have to tell them to calm down take a breather because they’re trying to process and think of what they’re trying to say and they can get frustrated with themselves because they’re trying to communicate. Spending time with both my sons.

I try to do that every day as much as possible even when they like to be by themselves, I’ll try to come up with different activities because of the pandemic at home.

What are some of the misconceptions about people suffering with autism?

They are not understood by society, you have people who misjudge and look at them different because of their disability. They are very smart and unique, I learned that with both of my sons. Like I tell people all the time, yes they have a learning disability but they are still “normal” they’re just different and special in their own way, and pay attention and just watch, you could learn a thing or two from a child that’s on the spectrum.

How do you maintain your own mental health on a daily basis?

I like cooking, so I try to cook different meals that all three of us can eat, because autism children can be very picky when it comes to food and there’s a thing called sensory issues. Because of the texture of the food or how it taste that can be a challenge when it comes to dinner. But as long as my kids are willing to try it it’s not an issue. I like to write poetry, I like to talk to friends and family, I love jazz and old-school music. So when my children go to bed that’s mommy time to relax as much as I can, because my plate is so full because of their schedules.

What would you like the world to know about autism and those that suffer with it?

From a single mother to the other parents out there in the world, that are just finding out that your child is on the autism spectrum. It’s not your fault at all don’t go into blaming mode and making it your fault because it’s not. God gave you this job, this blessing and just take it and run with it. God knows ahead of time what’s gonna happen. No we don’t expect our children to have a learning disability but sometimes it happens; and you help your child or children as much as you can until they get older and you always be there for your child no matter what.

Studying, learn the learning disability, connect and network with other people that’s going through the same thing as you because people on the outside sometimes don’t get it but when you connect with people that’s going through the same thing with you is so much peaceful. When I found out that both of my children got diagnosed with it yes indeed it felt like my world was crashing down, and I had to go to God and pray to him and he gives his strongest child the strongest battles. And this is one of them being a single mother of two children with learning disabilities. I am very proud of my boys they have taught me so much and we just keep continuing going as a family.

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About the Author

Dr. Jerry Doby Editor-in-Chief of The Hype Magazine, Media and SEO Consultant, Journalist, Ph.D. and retired combat vet. 2023 recipient of The President's Lifetime Achievement Award. Partner at THM Media Group. Member of the U.S. Department of Arts and Culture, the United States Press Agency and ForbesBLK.