Rhyme Report

Published on June 29th, 2015 | by Jameelah "Just Jay" Wilkerson

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Waka Flocka officially launches 2016 Presidential campaign at Grant’s Tomb

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Waka Flocka was “dead azz serious” about running for President of The United States in 2016. Yesterday, Waka officially launched his campaign at the landmark Grant’s Tomb in New York City and already folks are cashing in on the move, check the announcement below:

Posing in front of Manhattan’s Grant’s Tomb this morning, amid 300+ supporters, hip hop artist turned politician Waka Flocka Flame reiterated some of his campaign pledges. These include banning dogs and “all live animals” from restaurants, an immediate legalization of recreational marajuana “unless you’re still in school,” and more respect for women. His newfound fame as a politician is proving beneficial to one California throat drop company, Pine Bros Softish Throat Drops, who hired Waka Flocka last year to be their spokesperson; this on the heels of the company’s previous spokesperson Martha Stewart the year before. College marketing pundit Warren Lotas of Emerson University in Boston was instrumental in brokering the spokesperson deal between Waka Flocka and Pine Bros: “At the time, advertising types on Madison Avenue thought Pine Bros was crazy, replacing spokeswoman Martha Stewart with Waka Flocka. But I convinced them that Waka, who was already using the product, had value and a huge following.” That value could become apparent if Waka Flocka continues to tout Pine Bros to America’s youth as he campaigns at concert venues and during public appearances about the country.

During his Grant’s Tomb appearance, Waka made a point of promising free Pine Bros drops to all of his followers, “Because smoking blunts can be rough on the throat, and nothing soothes a throat like natural Pine Bros. For real.” To prove his point, Waka personally handed out several hundred bags of Pine Bros to people attending the Grants Tomb campaign stop. “Why Grant’s Tomb?” Waka was asked. “Because Ulysses S. Grant used Pine Bros after he smoked weed. They’re both as American as apple pie.” The venerable Pine Bros was first distributed in 1870, during Grant’s presidency.

When contacted, Pine Bros Chairman Rider McDowell couldn’t confirm President Grant’s pot use, but he did comment on Waka’s chances as a presidential candidate: “I think he’s a shoe-in, so long as he can get past Article Two, Section 1 of the United States Constitution, which says you must be 35 years old to run. The devil is in the details.” Waka Flocka is 28.

Source: Pine Brothers




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