Lessons for the Journey: A Word to the Women About Good Men

Good Day Good People!

Backstory:

Some women often ask, “where are the GOOD men”? I respond, “they are in the seed”. Then of course, as you might expect, I get the funny looks of disbelief and confusion. But when you really think about it, isn’t it as true as the question that was asked? Good men don’t just appear they are manifested through a journey of self-discovery. They are created in the repository of the male producer; the father, then incubated in the womb of the mother, then indoctrinated through the values in a family, then educated in systems such as schools and media programming, then cultivated by experience and choices. There is a natural order of the journey of life. Just like female babies; male babies grow and become. They grow into boys; boys to men; men to husbands; and husbands to fathers. Remember not to place judgment on those males born into circumstances out of their control and the order that their lives progress after being recognized as boys. The collective circumstances, environment, knowledge, experience, motivations (and a few other unique factors including DNA) shapes our order of life and who we will become. Often, we forget as women that we are just as responsible for the pool of “good” men as we are for the “pool” of good husbands and good fathers!

Intention of Action:

In the shadow of Father’s Day, let me share with you a few insights into the question of where the “good” men are. After all, it is men who become husbands and fathers! As mentioned before, good men (and good fathers) are in the seed. By seed, I mean the seed in every sense of the word. The seed as the innumerable sperm floating in the sea of possibilities awaiting release. The seed of an idea sometimes germinated in the mind of a woman choosing whom will share in her intimacy. The seed of a family setting the standard for responsibility. The seed in the mixed images of manhood that often affect and define identity, self-esteem, self-worth, and roles. It begins in the beginning, when after birth his first teacher; often his mother; plants the ideas of identity in his foundation. Our single mom ideas and married mom ideas often carry the weight of the relationship of the father. Our ideas of relationships that we made our expectations of men, husbands and fathers based on our circumstances, environment, knowledge, experience, motivations and DNA. Ideas that we speak in love and in anger; to and against men, husbands, and fathers.

The example of a man is often found in how a woman; a mother lives her life in front of her son. Her tone, words, actions, body language, intentions are all shaping in his mind what to expect from a woman and how he should expect to treat her in return. He gets many of his initial thoughts on relationships, values and conduct from his mother and how she pours into him and the men most intimately connected to her. He hears her conversations on the phone and through walls; is attuned to her body language and her reactions. In reality, he spent up to 9 months listening to her words and experiencing her emotions with her; deeply affected by the nuances of her thoughts and moods; hearing those closest to her especially the words and vibrations directed toward and from his father.

Solutions for Consideration:

We have given names to men dependent and/or deeply connected to their women/mothers; “Mama’s boys.” The ones who despise women/mothers and/or are deeply disconnected; “Abusers”. The ones who need physical contact without responsibility; “Cheaters”. In this ocean of possibilities, how do we define and find good men? We must start by being a good woman; a good wife and a good mother. Then incubate the seed of possibility by teaching and holding the expectation for a vision for our boys, men, husbands, and fathers. Doing our part to be better and more grounded produces better possibilities!

Resources:

Share my “lesson for the journey” through one of my lessons for the journey books (Amazon), view YouTube videos, and/or My Secret Chamber podcasts by visiting yourinspiredjourney.com.

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About the Author

Heather Hetheru Heather Hetheru Miller is Executive Director of EMIY Inc. and a Personal Change Coach with more than 25 years’ experience helping others navigate their next steps through books, workshops, training, and personal coaching sessions. Are you on the path of self-discovery or ready to take the next step? Visit www.yourinspiredjourney.com or reach out to [email protected]. Let the journey continue.